Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
