I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
