Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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