I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
