You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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