he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
