never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
