So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
