My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
