i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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