its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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