It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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