After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
