So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
