I feel like I'm in dance class right now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
