The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
