Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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