well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
