very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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