By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
