I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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