left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
