I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
