Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
