Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
