All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
