My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
