I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize