porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
