Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
