I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
