...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
