dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
