Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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