If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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