He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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