Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize