The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
