Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
