I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
