hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
