at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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