So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
