she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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