So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
