I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
