meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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