after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
