i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
