I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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