Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
is wine microwaveable?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
