I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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