So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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