Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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