i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
