Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
