he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
