yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
