i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
