I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
