I need help removing her.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize